2014 – THE BEST WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE

     You may ask, how can a year be the best worst year of my life?  Doesn’t make sense, does it?  Best and worst don’t go together.  I wouldn’t have called it the best worst year either if I hadn’t experienced it firsthand.

     January, 2014 started off with my dad receiving the devastating news of pancreatic cancer.  Our whole family was in shock.  This kind of stuff didn’t happen to our family.  While this was a shock, this was also a time of the whole family growing closer to each other and to God. 

     Little did I know, God was preparing me for the 2^nd major blow of my life.  In February of that same year, my pastor husband had to step down from his ministry and deal with some major personal issues in his life.  He had always struggled with pornography, but after some major catalysts, the struggle became an out of control addiction which evolved into new behavior.  These new behaviors forced him to step down from the ministry.  Ever since we were married, we have always been in ministry.  This changed my whole world.  My identity and our financial security were pulled out from under us.  Also, the issues my husband had to deal with were issues that impacted our marriage negatively.  I guess in the world’s standards, I had grounds to leave him.  I had to make a decision.  Would I stay and work out our marriage or would I leave my marriage and change my children’s world?  Looking back on that moment, I didn’t hesitate with my decision.  Right then and there, I knew God was telling me to stay with my husband.  He was telling me that he could give me the best marriage of my life.  I also knew he was telling me that there were things in my marriage that I needed to work on. 

     In September of that year, God took my dear father home to be with Him.  My husband was there for me during this difficult time in my life.  I needed him, and he comforted me like never before.  How different things would have been had I left him back in February.

     These two experiences were the toughest things that I have ever gone through.  And both of them happened in the same year!  Yet, I see how both of these experiences opened me up to depths of God’s grace reserved for those who suffer.  Maybe He allowed both of them to happen in one year because one made me stronger for the other?  I grew so much in that year, more than I ever have.  I experienced grace and love from God.  I have no doubt that He was watching over me.  He also blessed me with much more grace and love for my husband than I ever thought possible.  I truly saw my husband through God’s eyes, broken yet repentant. 

     So, yes, 2014 was a very tough year for me, yet God was working in supplying me with a strength I never knew possible.  Am I glad these two experiences happened?  No, but I now know firsthand that even though bad things may happen, there is a God that is there with us.  He won’t ever leave us.  He walks right beside us and guides us every step of the way.  It was the worst year, because I was dealt with so much tragedy at once, more than before or ever since.  Losing a parent and losing my trust in my husband are two of the worst pains I’ve ever experienced in my entire 50 years!  Yet, it was the best because I experienced more of God’s grace than I had ever experienced.  God piled on His grace to help me through these tragedies.