2014
– THE BEST WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE
You may ask, how can a year be the best
worst year of my life? Doesn’t make
sense, does it? Best and worst don’t go
together. I wouldn’t have called it the
best worst year either if I hadn’t experienced it firsthand.
January, 2014 started off with my dad
receiving the devastating news of pancreatic cancer. Our whole family was in shock. This kind of stuff didn’t happen to our
family. While this was a shock, this was
also a time of the whole family growing closer to each other and to God.
Little did I know, God was preparing me for
the 2nd major blow of my life. In February of that same year, my pastor
husband had to step down from his ministry and deal with some major personal
issues in his life. He had always
struggled with pornography, but after some major catalysts, the struggle became
an out of control addiction which evolved into new behavior. These new behaviors forced him to step down
from the ministry. Ever since we were
married, we have always been in ministry.
This changed my whole world. My
identity and our financial security were pulled out from under us. Also, the issues my husband had to deal with
were issues that impacted our marriage negatively. I guess in the world’s standards, I had
grounds to leave him. I had to make a
decision. Would I stay and work out our
marriage or would I leave my marriage and change my children’s world? Looking back on that moment, I didn’t
hesitate with my decision. Right then
and there, I knew God was telling me to stay with my husband. He was telling me that he could give me the
best marriage of my life. I also knew he
was telling me that there were things in my marriage that I needed to work on.
In September of that year, God took my dear
father home to be with Him. My husband
was there for me during this difficult time in my life. I needed him, and he comforted me like never
before. How different things would have
been had I left him back in February.
These two experiences were the toughest things
that I have ever gone through. And both of them happened in the same year! Yet, I see how both of these experiences opened me up to depths of God’s
grace reserved for those who suffer.
Maybe He allowed both of them to happen in one year because one made me
stronger for the other? I grew so much
in that year, more than I ever have. I
experienced grace and love from God. I
have no doubt that He was watching over me.
He also blessed me with much more grace and love for my husband than I
ever thought possible. I truly saw my
husband through God’s eyes, broken yet repentant.